“Ok, God. This must be some kind of cruel joke, right? You are not actually asking me to do this are you?”

With tears in my eyes, I argued with God as I stood looking at these two bedraggled widows standing in front of their make-shift homes on the side of a ravine. “Seriously? There is nothing else I can pray for? This is what they want?“

As Global Partnerships Liaison for Ends of the Earth Cycling, part of my job is visiting and vetting our current and prospective beneficiaries. Historically, I have loved this part of my job. It is a pleasure and a joy to see how God is working through our beneficiaries to bring the Hope of the Gospel to youth all over the world. However, a lot had changed over the last three years and I was learning how to live and work in a new body and with different physical limitations. The whole thing just made me feel unqualified and unsettled. 

It had been a long journey to get to South East Asia [meeting with other beneficiaries] and we decided to just add on Cambodia for a 24-hour exploratory trip. Our beneficiary, In Better Hands, had a ministry base in Cambodia and they really wanted us to see what was happening with their unique programs in the villages. So, we set out to see whatever God had for us. They asked what our expectations were and my response was, “I have no expectations, but if anyone would like prayer, I am happy to pray over them.” With that, we headed into the villages.

My craniotomy [surgical removal of part of the bone from the skull to expose the brain] in 2020 left me with some physical limitations and challenges that really shone through on this particular day as we traveled in the blazing heat of the Cambodian jungle. My body would not regulate its temperature, my eyes were not focusing well and I was struggling to see [with what little vision I have left], and I was dealing with a migraine. I was not at my best physically, and that really affected me emotionally. I was regretting our decision to add Cambodia to the list and I just wanted to leave this furnace-of-a-country and go back to Thailand where there was ice-cold Thai tea and air conditioning (yes, I was feeling particularly American that day). Then we got to our destination.

Most of the people living in this make-shift community were technically squatters. The homes were made of corrugated metal and bamboo and precariously placed on stilts on the side of a ravine. The amazing staff of In Better Hands, Cambodia took us on a walk to visit the ministry’s before-school program they have for children in the village. The kids sang songs and recited some Bible verses. It was adorable and my heart softened as I listened to their sweet voices. 

Our hosts then asked if we would be willing to walk a little further and meet two of the widows in their “Hope for the Widows” program. We were told that they wanted prayer and requested that I would pray for them. Since that was my only desire, I was quick to consent to their request.

Standing before me were two beautiful yet broken women. One, an elderly woman whose husband had died and left her with no children or income. She had many health problems and was living in extreme poverty. The other, a young woman with two children. Her husband had brutally abused her and left her with many health problems (including HIV) and to fend for herself and her children. Both women were struggling to survive. Both women were riddled with health concerns. Both women did not know where their next meal was coming from. Both women were blind. What did they ask me to pray for? The one thing that I myself did not have and the one thing I have desperately wanted ever since I lost it, SIGHT. Here I was, a broken, struggling, newly-blind woman being asked by broken, struggling, blind women to pray that they would receive their sight. I cannot emphasize enough how utterly unqualified I felt at that moment. How faithless I felt. How unworthy I felt. What could my prayers do?

I did what I set out to do. I prayed. I wept bitterly on their behalf and prayed with my whole heart. I prayed for what I would want someone to pray over me. I was humbled. Beyond humbled. I was humiliated.

That night in our hotel room I sat and screamed at the Lord. I asked him why He would make me do something like that. It felt cruel to ask me to pray for someone else what I myself did not have and was desperate for. When I finally calmed down enough to listen, this is what I heard the Lord say, “Christal, I sent you to Cambodia and I asked you to pray for those women because you were the only one qualified to pray for them in just the way they needed. You are the only one who understood that they could be poor and hungry and completely destitute and still the thing they wanted the most was their eyesight. To have their eyesight was their deepest heart’s cry and they needed you to pray for them with the same conviction, passion, and urgency that they have.”

In 2 Corinthians 11 and 12 Paul “boasts” about the many hardships he faced while following Christ and carrying out the ministry that he had been given. His body was broken, he suffered greatly, and he cried out to God for relief. Paul records this conversation with the Lord and his closing thoughts on it in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. Each time He said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That is why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then, I am strong.“

I wonder if Paul ever felt like I did that day in Cambodia: hot, grumpy, annoyed with his limitations. He begged God to take them away, so they must have bothered him, irked him, maybe even made him grumpy at times. But what if it was those things that made Paul such a good ambassador for Christ? What if OUR limitations make us better servants? What if our limitations make us better stewards of the Gospel? What if, like Paul, we served with gusto even in the midst of misery, brokenness, and despair? 

There is room for your weakness in the Kingdom of God. In fact, it is celebrated. So come #PrayServeRepeat with us and see God’s strength come alive in your weakness. 

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